Dear Mr. Eve-teaser,

Please accept my heartiest congratulations on your act of bravery that you showed the other day. Remember when I was walking down the street, all alone, in a socially objectionable dress as it was beginning to get dark. I could hear you passing lewd comments and singing downmarket songs which made me fasten my steps. And when I narrated the story to an apparent well wisher, I got some enlightening advices on how to dress up and act safe.

So there I was, drapped from head to toe, strolling through a posh market when the sun shone brightly. To my surprise, I yet again encountered another member of your clan who couldn’t wait to get his hands on me and calm down his charged hormones. Having been raised in a society where your organization is predominant for ages, I’ve got used to being gawked and stared at. But an inappropriate touch still seems too much to overlook.

I protested, shot a string of cuss words and even slapped him hard. Thanks to the crowd who takes pride in turning a blind eye to such scenarios, he managed to flee. And all I was left with was a broken self-esteem while recollecting the pieces of my scraped soul and body.

You must be wondering as to what made me write this letter out of the blue. Since, bombarding you with ghar mein maa behan nahi hai kya liners could never help slow down your desperation, I’ve ditched those thoughts long ago. What I wish to deliver through this letter is a note of appreciation for you and your fellow mates who have successfully set a benchmark and broken their own records. Can you see a hopeless distress on your mother’s face? All thanks to a teenage boy who couldn’t wait to announce his puberty to the world and ended up propelling his fantasies on her. Can you notice your sister slowly getting doubtful of everyone? All thanks to an obese middle-aged uncle who didn’t mind brushing her butt to give a boost to his declining sperm count. Are you too afraid to let your female acquaintances step out fearing they might never return? All thanks to one of you who has made million others stay stuck within the four walls.

So here, I rest my case, flooding you with tons of blessings. May you keep expanding your horizons and one fine day your own mother or sister gets compelled to adjust her dupatta in order to escape your hungry staring gaze!

Cursing you!

Sincerely yours,
Totta, maal, patakha
(Take your pick)